Untangling Cultural Knots

As I sat across from Pedro, a Mexican executive I was coaching for a new expat assignment in the United States, I could hear his anger rising as he recalled a recent encounter with Owen, an American colleague during a business trip in the Detroit office. My work as a leadership coach and communication strategist often involves helping executives like Pedro prepare for new roles abroad, where cultural misunderstandings can quickly derail trust and teamwork.

When an urgent matter needed Owen’s sign-off, Pedro hurried to his office, only to find him on the phone. Pedro peeked in, but Owen didn’t acknowledge him, so he walked in and interrupted Owen by signaling with his hand.

Taken aback, Owen interrupted his conversation and said to Pedro, “Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Pedro apologized and tried to explain, but Owen interrupted him and said, “When I’m finished, I’ll take care of it,” and promptly turned his back to Pedro.

At this point, you’ve probably made up your mind as to who was right and who was wrong. That’s natural. We all see situations through our own cultural lens, shaped by the values and unwritten rules we grew up with. What feels respectful in one culture may look dismissive in another and what seems efficient in one workplace may come across as cold or inconsiderate elsewhere. These default perspectives may be in direct contrast to each other, which is why two people can walk away from the same interaction with completely different stories about what happened.

Considering that most of us are interacting cross-culturally nowadays, it’s more important than ever to be able to spot and bridge cultural gaps so as not to be paralyzed or stalled by cultural misunderstandings. Being able to peel back the layers of complexity can help us create simple processes to avoid throwing out the proverbial baby with the bath water when it comes to intercultural communication.

The problem is, when we start attributing our cultural disconnects to personal slights, it can be very difficult to move forward with a conversation or focus on cooperation.

What Happened?

In our interactions with others, regardless of our intent, it’s the impact that matters. It’s easy to make assumptions based on our own frame of reference and to take things personally, like Pedro did.

The crux of the matter was that the two men had a very different concept of what “respect” looks like and what was expected of the other in a professional interaction. Pedro came from a culture where relationships form the foundation of collaboration. In Mexico and much of Latin America, warmth, personal connection, and flexibility are considered essential to teamwork. In that context, Pedro’s gesture was his way of saying, “This is important, please help me.”

Owen, on the other hand, was guided by a different rulebook. In task-focused, monochronic cultures like the U.S., professionalism often means protecting people’s time and space. Work is organized linearly: one task, meeting, or conversation at a time. Interruptions are considered disruptive, and respect is demonstrated through boundaries. To Owen, Pedro’s entrance wasn’t a sign of urgency, but rather a breach of courtesy.

 

Listen to The Toastmasters Podcast to hear more from Maria Garaitonandia.

Both men were following the rules of their own culture. But the rules were quite different, which made the rules of the game very unclear.

These differences illustrate task versus relationship orientation.

In task-focused cultures (like the U.S., Germany, or Switzerland), the priority is efficiency and results. Communication tends to be direct, concise, and explicit. Following schedules and procedures signals respect.

In relationship-focused cultures (like Mexico, Brazil, or the Middle East), trust and loyalty come first. Communication is contextual and layered, and schedules are often adjusted to accommodate people’s needs. Respect is shown by being attentive and available.

That’s why, in Mexico, for example, it’s common for someone to pause a phone call briefly to respond to a colleague who enters the room. Interruptions aren’t considered rude. In contrast, in task-focused cultures such as the U.S., those same interruptions can feel disrespectful because they break the flow of work and time boundaries.

You don’t have to completely adopt another culture’s style, but awareness makes a big difference. If you’re task focused, allow time for connection when working with relationship cultures. If you’re relationship focused, respect deadlines when working with task cultures. The goal is to show flexibility and invite the other person to do the same. Meeting in the middle is often the bridge.

How To Untangle Cultural Knots

In cross-cultural environments, there are simply things that we don’t know. And often, we don’t know that we don’t know. Misunderstandings are bound to happen. We may misstep without realizing it, and we may react viscerally to someone else’s behavior, but the key is to have the grace to give ourselves and others the benefit of the doubt and be capable of changing the narrative. Here are some ways to do it:

1. Acknowledge the cultural elephant in the room. One of my favorite ways to keep cultural misunderstandings from spiraling is what I call the “disclaimer method.” It’s a simple practice that acknowledges, perhaps at the beginning of a project, that we may run into cultural differences in how we communicate and approach problems. Let’s agree to see them as differences, not disrespect. Encourage others to signal when something feels off, so you can pause and clarify.
2. Clarify expectations up front. In a cross-cultural environment it’s easy to make assumptions, so it’s even more important to set ground rules together. What’s the best way to communicate urgent issues? How will interruptions be handled? What’s the best way to move forward when things get stuck? What is meant by “open-door policy”? What isn’t?
3. Separate behavior from intent. When a cultural misstep happens, it’s easy to jump to conclusions, attributing behavior to whatever we think it means, because we are filtering through our own cultural lens. It’s important to assume good intent first. A simple mental shift like “they probably have a different way of seeing this” can make a huge difference.
4. Don’t let first impressions be the last. One bad moment shouldn’t define the entire relationship. When we admit that we probably don’t understand the context, motivation, or values behind certain behavior, we are opening ourselves up to learning something new, and that grace will probably be extended to us when we misstep.

Turn Misunderstandings Into Insight

Once Pedro was able to see the interaction from a different perspective, his attitude toward Owen softened. He realized his own behavior was probably misinterpreted, just as he had misread Owen’s response. The shift opened the door to giving the relationship another chance when he relocated to Detroit. After all, Owen was a stakeholder he would need to collaborate with and writing him off entirely wasn’t an option.

Cross-cultural misunderstandings like this are inevitable. The important thing is not to let those moments harden into judgment. By pausing, giving grace, and assuming positive intent, we can change the story we tell ourselves about what happened. And when we clarify expectations, acknowledge cultural differences, and separate behavior from intent, we untangle the knot before it tightens.

The next time you feel dismissed or offended by someone’s reaction, resist the urge to label it as disrespect. Instead, take a breath and ask: Could this be cultural rather than personal? That simple question may shift your perspective and help you build the bridges required for collaboration.

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